THE BACKWARD MASCULINE
Dear [Straight] Men, This message is for you.
We have long been taught that women like masculine men.
We have been taught that women want ‘polarity’, that this is sexy and will turn them on.
This may be true, but there is a deeper truth available to you.
The reality is, changing your behavior for a woman will cause you to resent yourself.
Changing your behavior to be ‘sexy’ or to ‘satisfy her’ in any way is self-betrayal of the highest order.
I have recently written about ‘no polarity’ in a romantic relationship.
This isn’t to say that there should NOT be a polarity, but rather that you should NOT be focusing on it. Once we embody the perspective of the SOUL, polarity is absolutely irrelevant.
Trying to create polarity is trying to create distance from the Truth.
And at the same time, we will naturally be perceived as very masculine in all the necessary ways. That’s all they want, is to perceive us as masculine. Not to actually BE masculine.
These are incredibly different. It’s actually HER who wants to BE masculine, even though she may deeply deny it.
For a man, honoring his feelings (his femininity) is often what feels more true (even though he is addicted to denying having any needs), moving all the way into that is actually going to result in greater masculinity, as counter-intuitive as it may be.
Women will often tell you, be this way or be that way. And, they are right in wanting that. However, in telling you what they want they are unintentionally misleading you.
Only the grown-ass mature women is masculine enough to hold space for her man to feel who he really is. She is not attached to immediate gratification because she already knows she is safe.
This is why I will not date a hyper-feminine woman, because that is a daddy issue waiting to happen.
Becoming more feminine is how we as men become perceived as more masculine. As insane as it may seem.
The nature of trauma causes us to have a flimsy protective masculine coating over our highly feminine grief.
If we allow the grief to burn away, the false masculine burns away too and liberates that energy to become true and thousands of times more powerful.
Everything I know about women I learned from my cat. The rhythm, the desire, the boundaries.
A cat doesn’t have any interest in a desperate and needy person. They want to be left alone.
But when your energy clearly doesn’t need them, they will hunt you down to be cuddled and pet.
When your hand is right next to them, but not petting them, they can’t resist forcing their head under your still hand to feel the weight.
The embodied masculine is still – similar to the disembodied feminine (laziness).
The rabid and hungry feminine is activated and seeking, similar to the disembodied masculine (desperate).
Don’t be fooled by the teenage lies shared by ‘the way of the superior man’. This is wounded manipulation, too afraid to question the deeper motive of “Why do I actually want this?”
We are growing up as a species. Sex is no longer required to understand ourselves. There are ways to grow up without this incessant self-sabotage.
Sex is just another thing to do, when you’re living a life where everything is amazing.
Like us, well-intended women are trained to objectify. This is called behaviorism. It’s toxic. It’s unacceptable.
It’s time to truly see the feminine in her pain, without trying to save her. Trust her about how she feels, but not about what you should do.
Don’t ever try to prove to her what’s right or what’s wrong. You will never make her grow up. She must choose it.
Follow what’s right for you. Your feelings are never wrong. You can use your masculine energy to guide your feminine energy deeper and deeper.
And ultimately, she’ll thank you for staying the course. Even after she complained thoroughly. She needs to be seen in that process.
And she is teaching you. You are her student in this way. She is ultimately the master once you know how the game really operates.
This is what it means to truly come alive.